To be fair even our attempts at describing a technically possible but implausably simple version of a blackhole are essentially educated speculation. Although worth noting that black hole like objects did appear in fiction before they were discovered IRL.

Edit: To clarify our current models tend to involve non-rotating and un-charged black holes and even then there’s significant conjecture as to what happens beyond the event horizon.

You could probably gradually get it moving across the surface fast enough to escape though.

This is why you just shoot the fucker and don’t try and do a one liner.